The Blog of My Dreams

Okay okay okay so picture this – like a month and a half ago, on November 2nd, I write this really meaningful, insightful piece on the turning of the seasons and resolutions and the New Year beginning on Samhain (one of my coworkers wished me a happy new year jokingly, meaning a new fiscal year for our company but me misinterpreting his comment completely and being very touched that he remembered that it was my religious new year).

Then like a week after that, I posted another recipe round-up. Like this low-carb quinoa enchilada bake that has been feeding us for over a month now and makes amazing nacho topping – we ran out of cheddar so had to use goat cheese. Huge sacrifice. Very great.

NOW, imagine that after that, I follow up with a cute series of Jiji-shaming pictures. Stuff like “I help my sisters bury their poops – while they’re still pooping” and “I like to nap in underwear” and “I hide under the couch and attack people’s feet”.

That would be a pretty good blog, right? Some deep thoughts, a bit of that crunchy hippie thing, cute cats.

I mean, obviously I would have to do another post about Rita being diagnosed with sleep apnea. That would have been a killer. I would have talked about how proud I am of her for working so hard to get better, maybe made a joke about how now she’s actually an elephant like she always wanted. Told the story about waking up suddenly face-to-face with the “are you my Mommy?” kid from Doctor Who. I might even talk about how this diagnosis was kind of my breaking point and made me just completely melt down.

I might even follow that up with another post about my relationship with my mom, because that’s something else that’s going really well in my life right now that has been really hard in the past.

And then – then! – okay, this is the part that would have been really, really cool. Are you ready for this? A whole series of short blog posts called ’24 Crafts ‘Til Christmas’.

Like an advent calendar of crafts, it would have been so much fun! Nothing big or complicated. A few knitting projects probably, star dishcloths or wine bottle cozies, stuff like that. And definitely a recipe for bath bombs (which I have made and turned out great). Toilet paper tube carolers are like an old family tradition, and I would have even dug up a tutorial for these shoulder pad angels.

I think that one, kitschy as it is, would have made me teary and nostalgic. My aunt Erma (who is still alive, by the way – and actually is my friend on Facebook so if you’re reading this HI AUNT ERMA) made rafts of these things one Christmas for everyone. She always made these little crafty things and ornaments, but for some reason it’s the angels that I really remember. There were so many colours. She had a bag of them and me and my sister and our cousins got to pick out the colours that we wanted.

Anyway, so yeah! Wouldn’t that have been a great blog? Some really amazing content.

Too bad I didn’t write any of it because I’m a lazy fucker who can’t focus on anything!


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